


The ghosts of Alexandria

by RebMed



Series: Gas [8]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: New Character - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-15
Updated: 2017-03-15
Packaged: 2018-10-05 16:35:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10312526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RebMed/pseuds/RebMed
Summary: Lux and the women in Alexandria have a revealing conversation about love and relationships, that leaves Lux in sorrow, feeling she has arrived too late.





	

Lux was watching from her tower, and Abraham passed by.

"Hi, blond, how is it going?” he said, from the ground.

"Good.” she answered.

They saw Morgan and greeted him.

"What's with Kung Fu guy?”

"Morgan? Ha ha ha I don't even know, I don't talk much to him, you know.” Abraham replied. "We are commando, girl. Forget him.”

"He's like so over himself, like we choose to kill, we don't have to. And the worst thing is that he lives in a community which, as far as I know, gets fucked in the ass from time to time precisely for trusting too much.”

"I totally agree, _muneca_ , but the thing is I can't begin to understand why you talk like that.”

"What?”

"Don't get me wrong, you are doing fine for having been a Mowgly all this time, but how can you judge him?”

"You just said you ignore him because he's weak.”

"I didn't say so.” Abraham crossed his arms, serious. "I said I am a soldier, therefore I have no other option. And so you are, since the moment when you showed us your kick. We already chose, he did too. He is the group of the politicians and philosophers, that's why he is thinking and talking all the time.”

"But he could be a problem if we get attacked.”

"No, because we're here. It's us who defend them. Sorry to break the news, but soldiers are the whores of people like him.”

"You mean I don't get to discuss morals?” she whined.

"Would you even bother? Would you argue with him?” He approached her to not have to shout. "Do you want to hear that we are not human anymore, that there is nothing good in what we do? That we are not the good guys?Because that's about it. That's what he is going to say. And we know that would be a waste of time.”

"No.” she felt embarrassed.

"Good. 'Cause you still have two hours up there, then train civilians in long distance shooting, then train yourself in automatics, then go home and ride your man. That's your duty.”

"Yes Sir.”

* * *

The women were sitting on the grass, chatting or doing light chores. Lux was making herself a skirt out of remains of ruined jeans. Suddenly Enid started talking, after being silent all afternoon.

"Can I ask you a question?”

"No.” Michonne replied, trying to clean a rotten flesh stain off a white shirt.

"Oh come on, of course.” Carol said "What's on your mind, darling?”

"Maybe it's stupid, but I need to know... I've been feeling something inside me lately.”

"It's your period, and your puberty, and you'll go stupid within a week.” Lux said, holding a sowing nail in her mouth.

"I already got it years ago, and that was rude.” Enid complained. “It's... I think I'm in love.”

All of them screamed in awe and clapped.

"No, you're not, you're too young.” Rosita replied. "You're just cheeky for Carl.”

"I know, I know... but, if it happened, and only if it did... how would I know?” Enid insisted.

"You just know. Right when it begins and when it ends.” Tara said, shady.

"I agree. It's something that shines bright inside you every time you see him, and for a while you feel he's perfect, even though you know he's not” Maggie was delighted to explain herself. "And you're excited to see him, and you'll go wherever he goes, and he's the one for you.”

"Bitch, Glenn must be a hell of a nice guy!” Lux laughed.

"I guess it's something like that.” Carol replied. "Of course it's different for everybody, but there is always a part of you that knows he has flaws, and other that ignores them.” She winked at the girl.

"So it's like part of you goes dumb.” Enid said.

"That's it, exactly.” Lux stopped sowing and went on speaking. "To me, the strangest thing is letting go of myself. Feeling like I'm going down a roller coaster, and then I realize I'm not attached to the seat, but I don't care, because I rely on him, and it's OK. I don't mean dependency, or submission, that's bad, but trusting someone so much that you lose control. I feel like fighting beside him, for him, ruthlessly, not that I could die for him because I want to survive to stay together, yet I could kill for him... Then, when we come home, soaking wet in blood, sweat and dirt, I am willing to heal his wounds and look after him... Not talking, because there is nothing to talk... And I will have him watching me in my sleep, holding me tight, consoling me from my nightmares, caressing me and making me feel every thing's alright.” She finished the skirt. “And then I know I'm in love and I'm screwed, so I hope it never happens to you. The end.”

"I didn't know such nice things could come out of your mouth, _rubia_.” Rosita replied, amazed.

"Just to balance the rest.” she stood up, picked her rags and lit up a cigarette.” Enid, seriously, cut it out. You like him and that's nice, but it will probably take you years to fall for someone.”

"Wow, Daryl cut you deep, girl.” Maggie winked at her.

"Well, it's him, right?” Lux replied "He hasn't changed, but it seems like you have him on an altar.”

"I told you, he didn't even try...” Michonne said, bothered.

"I don't get it, honestly.” Lux insisted "You are all so... like pretty, bad ass, smart, brave... I'm sure he liked some of you. It's just that... He's a shy jerk, or else I'm easy ha ha ha.”

"Sometimes I think...” Maggie began, her voice cracking “it's sad to me to say this, but sometimes I think he liked my little sister. She passed away last year, before we came here.”

Lux stood staring at her for a while, and then asked, blowing smoke.

"You sister's name was Beth?”

All of them remained quiet, in tension.

"Yes.” Maggie answered, emotional.

Lux sighed hard. "I guess he liked her, yeah.” her voice trembled. "Sometimes he calls for her in his dreams.”

"Oh God.” Tara said.

"Wow. This is... this is awkward... I... gotta get out.” Lux muttered "See you.” and she walked away.

"Okay, that's fucked up.” Rosita said.

"I'll go grab her.” Tara stood up and followed Lux.

"I knew it, but I never dared to say.” Carol was hugging Maggie. “It's not his fault, she was beautiful and gifted, but he never thought he deserved her.”

"Also he was like a million years older.” Michonne was very sad. "Poor loser.”

"I'm glad he has a nice memory of her, what can I say.” Maggie murmured.

Tara found Lux one hour later, sitting on the backyard of Rick's house, her back against the wall.

"You're a terrible tracker.” Lux said. She was half wasted, drinking from the bottle Abraham had found the previous week, hidden inside an office in a little town.

"You seem not to be aching to be found.” Tara sat by her side. "can I mix this with water? I'm a terrible drinker too.”

"It's Bourbon, you don't.” Lux mumbled "I'm sorry, but I don't feel like talking.”

"What is so bad? He thinks of other woman, he never touched her, everything 's the same.”

"Tara, I was already pissed about it, I wanted to know who she was, who he was calling.” She wiped out her mouth with her hand and yelled. "And now I know I'm jealous of a pretty little dead girl whom everybody misses and I never met! I'm pathetic!”

"It's not his fault...”

"No, I know it's not, he's flawless, he's perfect, he's a virgin who has sort of something with granny Carol too, and I never get to have platonic relations because I grope men all the time, I'm a nymphomaniac.”

Tara glanced at her, disgusted "oh come on, don't pity yourself.”

"What? I have to be fine with him remembering some others while sleeping with me?”

"Is it the first time it happens to you? Well, I'm sorry but this world is like that. You were right the other day, you are late, this group has been together forever and they've been through hell, and they have lost so many people that their hearts are full of missing friends. And Daryl has female friends, and you won't get over that.”

"Oh well, I'm sorry! I knew he had friends, and all, but I wasn't expecting a fucking harem!”

Tara smacked her face like a whip. Then Lux looked down, ashamed.

"I had it coming.” She finished the bottle and stood up. "I've had enough love chat for today.”

"Wait! Don't go away!”

"What?”

"Don't do it! I'm talking!”

"And you want to say more?”

"Yes, it's just that you now want to be alone and you are blaming others, but the truth is that you can't bear being happy!”

"Oh no, I'm not gonna listen to you, leave me alone.” Lux cried "I'm not happy, you understand?”

"Why? Because you get to live with your lover, the love of your life, who you found again against all odds? Because you share a bedroom, inside a safe place? Because you have friends who put up with you? Is that so bad?”

Lux didn't know what to say. She remained still, guilty.

"So he dreams of other girl, right.” Tara continued “It sucks, I admit it. But do you know what she means to him? Do you know the story? They got lost and hid together and then she got kidnapped by a group of slavers. But I don't think she fucked her, because it's not like him.”

"That's what I'm talking about, I never get to have something platonic, because I want it here and now.”

"Wanna know the end? He found her, those bastards wanted to trade her for a boy who had escaped, and she got shot in front of him. She died in his arms. Are you jealous of that?”

"No...” she sighed “I just want him to be mine, but I know I don't deserve him.”

"I didn't say that.” She held her tight. "Come on, I thought you should know it, give him a break.”

"And I appreciate it, but what you won't understand is that I'm a bad person.”

"You're a bitch, but it doesn't get to more than that.”

"Thanks. And why the fuck are you so angry?”

"Denise is leaving me.” she looked away to hide her tears. "She hasn't told me, but I know. I can feel it.”

"Shit! Why? You both look like one super gay super organism.”

"Fuck you, ha ha.” She took a breathe. "She never had it so hard, you know... she didn't want to hold hands, no kisses in public, the thing of me being in the infirmary all day so we wouldn't hang out... she won't get out of the closet.”

"But... like everybody knows here.” She leaned on the fence. "That's stupid.”

"Yeah, but I don't know... She told me this morning that it would be good if I went to Hilltop with Maggie, because I know the medicines we have, and which are more valuable, and I said, "But are you coming with me? Because you know they always stay there for some days", and she said, "No, you don't need me!", and I was like, "Then go and tell Maggie or Rick, go write it on a piece of paper, they don't need me either", and she was like, "Hell, you're so lazy, it's just a couple of days and anyway there is nothing to do here!", and I said something stupid, I said "You're afraid of going out and that is why you want me to go!", and she told me, "You don't know me!", and started to cry, and I got angry and came to the lake with the girls.”

"Fuck, it seems like she is hiding some shit there.”

"I wish you told me I'm an idiot and she was just ranting away.”

"I don't have a fucking clue. I wish it was that, but you know... I am not the most patient person ever. When someone makes me feel like crap and I don't know what they want, I do nothing about it. I don't stress them with questions, and I try not to over think because It's useless.”

"And what do you do?”

She cackled and started to laugh "I wait a couple of days and slam them down on the bed, I shag them until they make up their minds.”

"Ha ha ha you are a real nymphomaniac girl, you're fucked up completely.” She kept quiet for a second. "And does it work?”

"Every time. I did it last week because Dork D was bugging me out, and then, after we had a bang in the kitchen, it turned out he had found a scratch on his bike but he wasn't sure if me or Rick did it, and of course, if it had been him he wouldn't ever tell him because he is his best friend.”

"You are telling me that in the world after the Armageddon he is bothered by a scratch on his bike?”

"Yup.”

"And who was it in the end?”

Lux winked at her "I did it one morning, I took it while he was patrolling with Sasha, but I told him it was Rick.”

"You are a bad person. A smart bad person.”

 


End file.
